Lily's Light
by Alydia Rackham
Summary: After Lily Evans saves Severus Snape from James Potter's taunting, Severus reluctantly accepts her persistent friendship, and what he then discovers about himself takes him by surprise.


Lily's Light

A Short tale of Young Severus Snape

By: Alyson Holman

I lived in darkness. All was the same to me. Although I was half-blood, a fact that shamed me to no end, I had managed to be sorted into the Slytherin House of Hogwarts wizarding school along with such near-pure-bloods as Lucius Malfoy. Lucius was cocky, sharp-tongued and brilliant, and his absolute intolerance for stupidity and disorderliness made him adequate company for me. He understood my silence and dark glances, and perhaps enjoyed my grim presence standing behind him like a watchdog, scrutinizing the truth of the very words people spoke to him.

But his other companions thought me _too _grim and quiet, even for a follower of Slytherin, and deemed me "not sporting enough." Lucius, never one to harbor true loyalty to anyone who could claim much Muggle blood, simply allowed me to remain nearby on the occasions I sought out him and his group, but he did not pursue my friendship, let alone defend me. And, of course, since I was a Slytherin, no one from any other house would have anything to do with me.

So I brooded like a snake, hating those who shunned me, insulting and degrading them during the day, but at night foolishly, childishly wishing I could just talk to someone. Never-ending darkness. until it was cut through like lightning.

This day, I stood alone on the long, wooden walking bridge out on the grounds, far away from everyone. I never wanted to see them again. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my hands together as I leaned on the rail.

Almost upon my arrival at Hogwarts, I had made an enemy. An enemy named James Potter. He was arrogant and loudmouthed and broke rules constantly. I was a tall, gangly lad, growing too quickly, and once, in his presence, I had tripped over a loose stone and fallen down, tearing the elbow of my robe. Potter had laughed and called me an oaf. I had promptly turned his nose into a doorknob.

That started it.

Every day after that, for years, we plotted ways to sabotage each other, from hexing each other in the halls to transfiguring the other's books, to even lighting each other's parchment on fire during exams. He exploited my clumsiness. I exploited his overconfidence.

But this day, I had done particularly badly on a Potions exam because Potter had stolen and burned my study papers. After the exam, I had been sitting under a tree furiously checking my answers, when Potter had arrived.

"Look---it's Snape," Sirius Black, one of Potter's followers, pointed me out. I ignored them. Potter never stood for that.

Potter had disarmed me almost before my wand was out. He cast a spell, lifting me into the air, upside down. Then, as he and his friends laughed and jeered, Potter had flourished his wand and removed my trousers.

That moment of complete humiliation had seemed to last an eternity. Until it was cut through by a voice---the voice of a girl...

"Severus?"

I blinked, loosening the vice hold my hands had on each other and coming back to the present. It was the same girl's voice. But instead of being filled with wrathful command as it had been a few minutes ago, it was simply timidly questioning. I glanced around my black locks to see her standing about five meters away. Her posture was uncertain, her fair face slightly concerned and her dark red hair a little out of place. Lily Evans.

I said nothing to her, but quickly returned my glower to the canyon. Much to my irritation, I heard her footsteps quietly approaching.

"Severus, I'm so sorry about that," she said quietly. "I know James and Sirius act beastly, but I never thought they'd go that far." She stopped walking and took a rather shaken breath. "If only I'd been there sooner---I would could have stopped them before they---"

"I did not need to be defended, least of all by you," I snapped, not turning. This seemed to set her back, as I had hoped. But she did not leave. Instead, she took a step closer.

"James had picked you up and turned you on your head, hadn't he?"

My brow furrowed dangerously.

"Yes," I said grudgingly.

"And your wand had been knocked out of your reach and you couldn't use it to fight back, right?"

I paused a moment, unsure of where this was going, and increasingly annoyed at her presence.

"Yes," I finally acknowledged.

"Well, then," she said frankly. "You needed defending."

I whirled on her, more rage surging through me. The words "_Let me be, you dirty Mudblood!"_ sprang to my lips---then died there as I saw her gazing steadfastly back at me with something like defiance blazing in her emerald eyes. It was then that I realized something I had not seen before: Lily was pretty. She had long, dark eyelashes, a comely, intelligent mouth, cultured nose, gently curling hair and eyes that saw right through me. The thousand, cutting retorts faded from my mind, and to my chagrin, I only managed to swallow. Lily's brow softened and she almost smiled.

"It's not a weakness, Severus," she told me quietly. "Why do you suppose an army is made of more than one man?"

I had no good answer for that. I only swallowed again. Then she chuckled and her eyes lit up. I could not be angry, for I was too startled---I was finding I could not predict her.

"You aren't much for conversation, are you?" she said lightly. I shrugged uncomfortably.

"You know all the answers in Potions class, though," she remarked, casually leaning forward and resting her elbows on the railing next to me. I quickly glanced up and down the bridge, hoping no one saw our proximity. Every instinct was telling me to leave immediately, but for some reason I could not move.

"You're fairly knowledgeable in Defense Against the Dark Arts, too," she added amiably. Increasingly disconcerted, I managed to answer.

"Yes, I...have found that I have an aptitude for those subjects."

"You mean, you like them." She looked pointedly at me again, but in good humor. I hesitated.

"Yes."

"I wish I had a knack for them, too," she sighed. But I'm not smart enough."

"It's not about being smart," I countered. "It's about touch, and having a feel for the slightest movement of magic, and then just applying that to..." I trailed off, realizing how much I had said. But Lily only smiled.

"See? That's why you're good at it." She pushed away from the railing and moved to walk past me. And she touched me. Just a natural, light hand to my shoulder, but it caught me utterly off guard. She turned slightly as she walked.

"Don't let Potter bother you, Severus. He's a---" She stopped and blushed. "Well, I'm a lady, so I can't say what he is."

I nearly smiled. Luckily, she did not see the signs of it, for she had begun to walk away again.

"See you in class," she called back.

"Yes," I answered, only realizing seconds later that almost the only stupid thing I had said to her was "yes." But somehow, my previous shame had lessened, and as I headed back to the castle, Lily's words kept following me:

_"Why do you suppose an army is made of more than one man?"_

Several weeks went by and Potter almost left me alone. Aside from the occasional verbal jibe as he passed me in the hallway, he refrained from provoking me. The idea of reinstating our wizarding guerrilla warfare had finally made me weary, and I had no taste for it. However, the reason for his abrupt ceasefire did not escape me and slightly furthered my embarrassment: someone had reported him. And I really did not have to guess who that had been.

Lucius and his friends Crabbe, Goyle and Lestrange gave me a wide berth fora while to preserve my dignity. Therefore, for a good many days, I sat alone at the end of the Slytherin table for every meal. I took that chance to study for Potions, to recover what I had lost.

One midday meal, I was bent over a singularly difficult formula, holding the book open with one hand and grasping a goblet of pumpkin juice in the other. I was just taking a sip when someone plopped down across from me. I jerked and looked up. It was Lily.

"Evans..." I muttered in shock, dimly aware that there were about a hundred pairs of eyes turned in our direction. It was unheard of for a member of any other house to sit at the Slytherin table. However, she did not seem to notice the confusion of the Hufflepuffs, the disapproval of the Ravenclaws, the loathing glowers of Lucius Malfoy or even the blatant disbelief of James Potter and Sirius Black.

Lily's hair was loosely bound up and she casually tossed a book down on the table in front of her.

"Hullo, Severus," she said warmly.

I stared at her.

"What are you doing?"

Her brow furrowed.

"Um...sitting," she replied, as if that were obvious.

"I can see that," I answered back, casting an apprehensive glance about. "But why are you doing so at the _Slytherin_ table?"

She raised her eyebrows.

"Why not?"

I struggled to think.

"No one does that," I managed. "Everyone sits with his house."

"There is no rule, is there?" she asked.

"Well, no---"

"And no one is sitting here, correct?" she pressed.

"No---"

"Then I can sit here, I believe." She paused a moment, and gazed at me a bit more intently. "Unless, of course, you want me to leave?"

I knew Lucius was watching me. I could feel his silent command to tell Lily to get her filthy, smelling, Mudblood carcass back to the other Muggle-loving table. I stared back at her, her question hanging in the air.

_"Unless you want me to leave...?"_

"No." My eyes widened. I had said that. And it was the truth. At this, the Great Hall dissolved into murmuring and growling and excited conversation, but Lily ignored them all.

"Good," she said pleasantly. "Because I wanted to talk to you. I wonder if you could help me study for my Potions and Dark Arts finals. The last few exams, I nearly failed the Polyjuice section, and---"

"No."

She stopped, then laughed in surprise.

"Why is it that the last time we talked, all you said was 'yes', and this time all you say is 'no'?"

My face burned but I fought to hide it. I desperately hoped no one had heard that.

"Evans..." I said warningly through my teeth. She frowned.

"I'm not asking for your right arm, Severus. I only need a little help."

I regarded her skeptically.

"Why don't you ask one of your Gryffindor friends?" I asked coldly, shooting Potter a glare.

"Because you're the best in the class. Everyone knows that," she answered simply. "you could get up and _teach _Defense or Potions, both of which I am close to failing."

For a moment, I was speechless. I could not remember ever receiving a compliment like that from a fellow student before; at least not one that was sincere. Thus, before I quite knew what I was doing, I agreed.

"But only after class, when everyone is in their common rooms," I said sternly. "Being around you in front of everyone is...unseemly."

If she was offended, she did not show it.

"All right, then. Where should we meet?"

I lowered my voice and looked around again.

"I have access to the restricted section of the library, courtesy of Dumbledore," I revealed reluctantly. "We can practice Defense in the empty classroom."

"All right," she said again. "I'd better go---I have some homework to write." She got up, taking her book with her. She had only taken half a step when an afterthought struck her. She turned and grinned at me.

"Thank you, Severus." And she strode off. All eyes followed her. It was then that I realized that she _had _noticed the gossiping disapproval of all the houses, and that it had been much more difficult for her to cross the room and sit by me than it had been for me to allow her to remain. Therefore, when Lucius said my name, the glance I gave him was not entirely hospitable.

"Snape!" he hissed. "Do you know her parents are _both _Muggles? Do you realize what she---"

"Be quiet, Malfoy," I retorted in a low tone, returning my attention to my book. "I am studying."

I knew he was fuming, but I had other things to think about. Why had Lily come over here? Why had she braved the ridicule of all her friends and the wrath of the Slytherins to ask for Potions and Defense help from _me_, of all people? The more I pondered, the less I could solve. But I did know the reason why I had agreed to the arrangement. Though I was certain that such a motive was far, far from Lily's mind, I was doing it to repay her. However, I realized in a moment of annoyance that a few tutoring sessions would never truly be enough to do that.

Lily was right---she did not have a knack for Potions or the terminology of Dark Arts. I drilled her in Potions mercilessly, and I must admit she took it decently. I was nearly cruel in Dark Arts, but being a person who is well-acquainted with the power of dark magic, I would not tolerate anyone who treated dueling or such other techniques as occlumency as games. Those who wielded dark magic were not playing. Lily learned of my strictness quickly, for after I reprimanded her fiercely for joking around with a disarming spell, she became very serious during our mock duels and nearly knocked me flat once or twice.

One time, after she had successfully performed a fairly difficult charm, she laughed in satisfaction and beamed at me.

"You know, you are a very excellent teacher, Severus. You ought to make it your profession."

"Which subject?" I asked wryly as I tucked my wand into my robe."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," she told me with certainty.

"Why?" I confess I was slightly curious. She shrugged.

"It seems that you like it better."

I tried to act non-committal, not showing her how well she had read me.

"Oh, perhaps I will someday."

I heard Lucius laughing. That usually meant he was taunting some offending first-year. Normally, I would have ignored it, but it was coming from the direction of the library, and I was headed that way.

I did not hurry my pace as I walked, for I found that I tripped less easily if I was more deliberate. It did not always work, but it was worth the effort.

I rounded a corner and slowed to a halt. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle stood over Lily Evans, who was kneeling to try and pick up her books off the floor, where Malfoy had doubtlessly scattered them. My throat closed. She was crying.

"Why do you need those, Mudblood?" Malfoy kicked one of her books viciously out of her reach. "You never study! Or do you, and are so stupid you need a tutor?"

"Leave me alone, Lucius," she snapped, swiping at her face and clutching a what books she could close to her chest.

"Did you hear that?": Malfoy mockingly addressed Goyle and Crabbe, who snickered. "'Leave me alone!' The daughter of _Muggles_ dares to give an order to a pure-blood Malfoy!"

Lily got to her feet and set her jaw, though her tearstains gleamed. Her eyes blazed at him.

"At least I earn the grades I get, Malfoy, instead of relying on my father's clout to get me through classes I would otherwise fail."

Malfoy stared at her for one moment, then furiously stepped forward and slammed his hand down on her books so that they all banged onto the stones again. She took a step back. My spine stiffened. She was afraid. Malfoy loomed over her.

"You think you're just incredible, don't you Evans? You think that Potter or Black or Longbottom will come to save you? Well perhaps you don't know..." He spoke though his teeth and pressed closer. "_Everyone hates you_. After what you did by sitting at the Slytherin table and upsetting the order of things, no one wants anything to do with you."

"That isn't true," Lily said tearfully.

"You need proof?" Lucius said lightly.. "How is this: the Christmas dance is in three days and you are going _alone_."

Lily did not answer. She hung her head and bit her lip.

"No, she isn't."

Lucius, Crabbe and Goyle whipped around at the sound of my voice and stared at me in shock.

"Snape...?" an uncertain smile flickered around Malfoy's mouth. "What...What are you talking about?"

My heartbeat raged, but outwardly, I let nothing show, and I spoke in an utterly regulated, purposeful tone.

"I asked her. She is going with me."

Their mouths hung open. Lily gaped. I did not look at her.

"Snape...are you serious?" Lucius stuttered, still not quite tracking.

"Perfectly." I raised an eyebrow. "Any more questions?"

It was clear that later, Malfoy would have _several _more questions, but at the moment he was too floored to think. So, trying to preserve his poise, he signaled with his head and, giving Lily one last withering glance, marched swiftly out of the corridor, a bewildered Crabbe and Goyle trailing behind. I stared after them. Lily stared at me.

"You...You did not mean that, did you?" she stammered. I turned to her.

"No," I said simply. "I could not possibly take you to the Christmas dance." I raised my eyebrows. "I cannot dance." I turned to leave. "But now we are even."

"But Severus---" she called after me. "You realize that if you don't, everyone will make fun of us _both_. You know they've told half the school by now."

I stopped, wanting to wince. I had not thought of that. Stiffly, I turned back around.

"I told you Evans," I said darkly. "I cannot dance."

She looked up from retrieving her Charms book.

"Well, _that's _not a problem," she said off-handedly. "I can teach you easily enough."

I could not believe what I was hearing.

"You...teach _me_...how to _dance?_"

"Certainly," she picked up her last book and brushed a frazzled strand of hair out of her eyes. "You've been teaching me Defense and Potions---it's the least I could do to save us both from further embarrassment."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Lily was right. I had no choice. I had rashly gotten myself into this mess; there was only one way out.

During the next three days, I began to realize how she had felt when I had been teaching her dueling and Potions. Though Lily had miraculously found a phonograph that played waltz music, and was always patient with me, I despaired of ever learning. My feet were too big and continually crushed Lily's, my legs were too long and my brain not equipped for this sort of activity at all.

After the fiftieth time of stepping on her foot, I growled in frustration, spun away and ran both hands through my long hair.

"This is absurd!" I snarled. "I am going to make more of a fool of myself out there on the floor than I ever would if I simply did not go."

Lily sighed, her arms hanging down to her sides.

"Severus, it's a hard dance."

"No, it's no use," I shook my head. "I'm not...I am not built for this nonsense."

Her brow furrowed.

"If you're trying to tell me that you're clumsy, I don't believe you."

I lifted my eyebrows.

"You just don't know how to be graceful," she finished. I chuckled scoffingly. She did not understand. I headed for the door.

"Severus." She stopped me. "Do you know that many Muggle athletes study dance?"

"Yes, those who play with bows and arrows," I said scornfully. She took a few steps toward me.

"No, actually," she countered plainly, perfectly serious. "They play sports that are quite a lot like battles; running, throwing and slamming into each other. Some men get seriously hurt. They are very strong and fierce. The dancing just makes them more nimble, more sure of their feet, and it improves their balance."

I looked at her intently.

"Truly?"

"I don't lie," she answered. With a wave of my want, the record began to play again.

"Keep teaching."

The night of the Christmas dance finally arrived. I donned my completely black, velvet dress robes that I had always packed every year but never worn. After making certain everything was in place, I trotted out of the common room and strode purposefully down the corridor.

Lily had been correct. After I set my mind to it and practiced for hours, using all my will to engrain it into my mind, the dancing had done something for me. Whether it was that or some spell she had cast when I had not been looking, I was no longer afraid of tripping or otherwise being an "oaf." My footsteps were certain, and I swept along with solemn confidence.

I easily made it to the base of the grand staircase she would be descending and waited, clasping my hands behind my back. Many others were milling about, but I paid them no mind. That is, until James Potter approached me.

"Snape," he nodded.

"Potter," I answered with delicate disdain. He seemed unsure of himself, which made me suspicious.

"I...hear you are escorting Lily," he said in a conversational tone that sounded forced.

"You heard correctly," I replied with deliberate ease.

"That's a fairly lucky catch for _you_, isn't it, Severus?" Potter jabbed. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What _is _the matter, Potter?" I questioned. "Jealous?"

He did not need to answer. The next moment, everyone knew exactly why he would be.

Lily's willowy form had emerged at the top of the staircase. She wore a beautiful, flowing emerald ball gown that set off the vibrant green of her eyes and the rich cinnamon of her hair. A delicate necklace sparkled at her throat, and a dainty silver bracelet encircled her left wrist. Effortlessly, smiling modestly at the admiring gazes all the young men were giving her, she descended the stairs and glided toward Potter and me.

"Hello, Severus," she beamed. Her smile faltered a bit and her voice quieted. "Hullo, James."

"Hullo, Lily." James' face was flushed and he appeared completely discomfitted. "You...er...you look really...good."

"'Stunning' is the word I would have chosen." I cut in smoothly. "But as you know, Potter has never been one for linguistics. Shall we?"

"Thank you, Severus," Lily blushed prettily, took the arm that I offered, and together we entered the ballroom.

I cannot remember how many times we danced. It seemed to take no energy at all---not dancing with Lily. All was a swirl of light and music and Lily's smile. Never once did we misstep or hesitate. Absently, I marveled at myself. Months ago, I would have recoiled at the idea of clasping the hand of a "Mudblood", of wrapping my fingers around her waist. But now---now all I could do was silently command everyone in that ballroom with all of my bearing: _"Look at this girl. _Look_ at this breathtakingly lovely girl---and_ I_ am dancing_ _with her_."

It was after midnight when the dance finally concluded. I walked her back up to the Gryffindor common room, keeping an extra-cautious eye on the changing stairs.

"My feet are simply murdering me," Lily groaned, some of her gracefulness leaving her as she stepped up to the door. "Aren't yours?"

"No," I answered honestly. Nothing about me hurt or was tired. She chuckled at me sleepily.

"Oh, even if they did, you would say 'no,'" she teased. "That's half of your vocabulary."

"No, that isn't what I meant," I amended. She turned around and tucked a strand of ginger hair behind her ear, drowsily questioning. I shifted my weight, trying to think.

"What I meant was, I...enjoyed myself."

She canted her head.

"You can smile, Severus!" she exclaimed quietly. "It isn't that difficult."

I was not sure what to do.

"Come on, Snape!" she laughed. "Smile or I'll not believe you."

I gazed back at her as she waited in a gently coy manner, standing eye-level with me, since I was a step down. For just a moment, I recalled her teaching me to dance, and the ball itself, and abruptly her face lit up.

"There you are!" she cried. "That really improves your looks, you know." She winked. "You could do better, though."

My first genuine smile faded back to seriousness, but so did hers. I swallowed.

"Thank you, Lily Evans," I said tightly.

Her face softened sweetly.

"Happy Christmas, Severus." And she leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. The next moment, she had turned, spoken the password---which completely escaped my hearing---and entered Gryffindor's chambers.

I could not move for the longest time. Finally, I walked back down the stairs, not thinking of where I put my feet, the trace of Lily's kiss causing a hint of my smile to remain.

I did not see much of her after that. Lily had done excellently on her exams, and so we had no excuse to talk, and I never let on that I would welcome that. Thus, the only time we spoke was in the hallway. I would be swooping through, my cloak billowing, my head bowed in thought, and she would patter up behind me.

"Smile, Severus!" she would whisper brightly as she darted past, flashing a grin back at me. I always would do so, when only she was looking, and it seemed to please her. Somehow, the sun shone a bit brighter on those days---though I do not know why it would.

And then, a while later, I heard that she was seeing James Potter. Lucius told me in a casual way that I felt was probably deliberate. I shrugged and asked him what else he expected; she was a silly, stupid Mudblood that did not have the brains or taste enough to fill a teacup.

And then I skipped class for two days.

I spent most of those days on the bridge again, or wandering the grounds, alone. I let the darkness creep back into me. And gradually, over the next months and years, it consumed me.

Much of what followed was one, nightmarish blur, dominated by the shadow of the dark lord. And yet, somehow, I sensed that it never got as black in my soul as it could have. No one who had danced with Lily Evans that shining night could ever extinguish that glow, no matter how hard he tried.

Years later, after countless terrible events, I walked the halls of Hogwarts once again, this time as the Potions Master. The students feared me, and I commanded their respect with the dreadful grace with which I walked, and the purpose with which I spoke.

Late at night, I would complete my rounds of the corridors alone and in total darkness. I needed no light---I had long ago memorized every turn. On occasion during these midnight walks, it would come to me distantly how alone I was. I would halt, standing still in the blackness for a moment. Then, making certain no one was near, I would raise my wand.

"_Lumos,"_ my deep voice would reverberate quietly off the stone, and a blaze of white light consume my wand and illuminate the hallway, banishing the shadows to the far corners. And in that quiet moment, a moment I keep entirely to myself, I would hear Lily Evans' voice from the grave:

_"Smile, Severus! Why do you suppose an army is made of more than one man?"_


End file.
